


pop and swirl

by danketsu



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: Depression, F/F, chihaya pov, self-harm mentions, vampire coven mentions, vampire!haruka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 07:30:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danketsu/pseuds/danketsu
Summary: It wasn’t their first kiss, or even their first time under the sheets together, but the way Haruka let her fangs purposefully drag across Chihaya’s bottom lip made her feel like the most inexperienced, unprepared person in the world.





	pop and swirl

**Author's Note:**

> kyun vampire girl being added to mirishita started this. then the world changer event actually inspired me to finish it  
happy chihalloween! ∑d(°∀°d)

One of these days, she would let Haruka bite her. Someday. Maybe.

The first time they'd ever come close to it was... memorable. They were in her room with music playing on the record player in the corner, as always. Haruka was on top of her, straddling her thighs. Chihaya tried so hard to stay calm in this kind of situation, knowing that every fidget or time her heart beat faster, it would be caught by Haruka’s superior senses and Chihaya didn’t know if she could deal with that kind of embarrassment tonight.

Chihaya  _ tried _ to stay still, to not let anything show, but Haruka pressing kisses onto her stomach made her want to scream. In a good way or bad way, she wasn’t really sure, but she knew that if  _ she _ could feel the blood rushing to her face, Haruka could definitely feel it, too. Which made this whole situation even more humiliating, if that was possible.

Chihaya reached out and tangled her fingers in Haruka’s hair, unsure of her actions no matter how many times they did this together. She kind of wanted to push Haruka away, curl in on herself and hide the pleasure she felt, but there was another part of her that wanted to pull Haruka even closer. Her hands were clammy, too, which just made her feel even more self-conscious. 

Haruka pulled away, and Chihaya breathed out roughly, hands still in her girlfriend’s hair. Haruka’s gentle smile showed her fangs, never mean, never going to hurt Chihaya, and she whispered, “Chihaya-chan… do you want me to stop?”

Nevermind, Haruka was  _ so  _ mean. Chihaya squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, unable to even say anything. Haruka giggled, cluing in that she was way too overwhelmed to respond. One of Chihaya’s hands fell back to the bed. One stayed in Haruka’s hair. Her heart was still beating fast, pounding in her own head and probably in Haruka’s as well, or however vampires’ hearing worked. She really couldn't be bothered to think about the logistics this very second.

Haruka looked just as ragged as Chihaya felt then, taking Chihaya’s hand and pressing a small kiss to Chihaya’s palm, then down her arm until she hit the meat of her forearm. Soft, softer, then almost jarringly hard. She paused there, looking really pretty next to Chihaya’s pale arm. Her eyes were closed, probably listening to her heartbeat, strong near her wrists, and breathed in. 

Chihaya stared, unmoving, as Haruka left a burning, burning,  _ burning _ open-mouthed kiss on her wrist. The scorch came in the form of a slow drag of Haruka’s fangs on her skin. Not breaking through, not adding to the smattering of faded and not-so-faded scars already on her arm, but a raw and lightning quick shot of something that she's never felt before. Something electric that made both her and Haruka freeze.

She didn't even want to know what kind of face she was making. Her heart was in her stomach, and any sort of pleasure that she was feeling was replaced by concern for her girlfriend and, as much as she hated to admit it, fear. Haruka seemed to be off of her in less than a second, because next thing Chihaya knew, she was the one over Haruka, cupping her chin and insisting that it was okay, she was okay,  _ they  _ were okay; Chihaya's own anxiety overwhelmed easily by worry for Haruka.

Her hands were still shaking, heart still pounding, thighs still sticking together uncomfortably, but she knew that Haruka's worst fear was letting her other self overcome her. It's not like Chihaya really understood Haruka's condition in any sort of detailed, meaningful way, but she definitely understood letting yourself down when it comes to the people you love. The expression on Haruka’s face was one Chihaya was all too familiar with on a personal level, and it hurt to see.

They sat shoulder to shoulder after that, never mentioning what happened because it wasn’t really necessary. They both knew what could've happened when Haruka's fangs hit her skin, what could've happened if she had broken skin. Chihaya knew just as well as Haruka did that her condition was eternal, and there was no real control she had over the beast inside of her. Even Haruka’s monumental self-control couldn’t stop her hands from shaking in Chihaya’s.

What a sobering thought, even for Chihaya. She tried to shake it off. But, even after Haruka left when the sun went down, sheepishly rubbing her head and apologizing unnecessarily the way she always did when it wasn't her fault, Chihaya’s mind was still stuck on what happened. 

It's not like Haruka actually bit her. She didn't even break skin. Just the drag of two sharp fangs on her oversensitive wrist had wrecked Chihaya completely. Shame twisted in her stomach, even though the rational part of her brain told her it was _ okay  _ to feel that way. It's not like she was familiar with any sort of indulgence anyway. 

She knew it was probably just some weird vampire chemical making her feel heady and warm whenever Haruka's fangs got near her skin, but this was the last thing Chihaya thought was going to be an issue when Haruka was first changed. Blood, hunger, desperation,  _ desire.  _ Fear. And if she felt this way just thinking about it, how could she possibly imagine how Haruka felt about it; being forced to live a life so different from her previous one, being forced to subsist on drinking blood.

It was… a struggle getting the blood for Haruka in the first place. Haruka's mistress, the one who changed her, Shijou-sama, had offered one of her 'pets', but Haruka refused. Chihaya was glad, too, because letting Haruka feed on another person that wasn't her made her feel sort of sick, and  _ not  _ because it involved drinking blood.

It was her fault, though. Chihaya could easily offer her arm, her neck,  _ anywhere  _ to Haruka. Have her bite and suck and truly claim her the way the handful of other vampires that Haruka knew did to their significant others. Maybe then they'd stop getting pitying looks from them when they'd be pressured into going to a 'ball' at the Manor. Chihaya hated those.

But really, what good was she if she couldn't let her girlfriend feed on her? Every time she'd walk around Haruka's home with jet-black curtains blocking out the sunlight or move aside a bag of animal blood in the fridge to get to a bottle of water, she’d get that prickling reminder of Haruka’s struggle. Every day, Haruka listened so intently to Chihaya's mundane stories of what was going on outside during the day, at school, at work, with their other college friends who could never know. Haruka could take online classes and work night shifts and do everything she could to feel normal, but the two of them were still isolated from their peers.

Haruka had to deal with so much, and Chihaya couldn't even put aside one uncomfortable situation to make Haruka's life so much better. Useless. The slight cringe whenever Haruka would take a sip of cow, pig, sheep blood was unmistakable. She knew the cold, dead blood would have to taste disgusting. So much more disgusting than Chihaya's warm, pumping, _ alive  _ blood would be to a vampire. Haruka never complained and would never, but Chihaya  _ knew. _

She felt so sick suddenly. This was the first time Haruka's fangs had actually touched her, but there was no way Haruka hadn't wanted to take a bite before, right? Did Haruka even want to drink her blood? Did Chihaya smell good at all to her? Did Haruka feel the same way Chihaya did just a few minutes ago? Chihaya's face colored and she turned over on her side, trying to will these thoughts away.

Her eyes landed on her own arm, still tinged pink from Haruka's kisses, but still light enough to see the faded scars underneath. Those were the real problem, weren't they? 

She hated them, she _ hated _ them. It felt like she had just found a way to manage and overcome her depressive episodes and anxiety, and now it seemed like these were at the forefront of her mind again. Being responsible and holding herself to a higher standard for Haruka's sake definitely helped, as morbid as it was to admit, but everytime the idea of it being  _ her blood  _ came up… All it really did was bring up memories of the past; harming herself to feel anything. 

The thought of Haruka feeding on her was exciting, but she couldn’t separate the image of her bleeding alone in her bathroom at 14 and Haruka’s fangs ripping into her skin to feed on her. Except that Haruka wouldn't hurt her, wouldn't rip or tear or do anything like in Chihaya’s worst imagination. It was stupid, they were completely different situations after all, but Haruka was always respectful about how weird Chihaya got about it, no matter how much she shouldn’t have to be. She shouldn't have to be considerate of Chihaya at all. 

She sighed.

Then, in what felt like no time at all, it was a few months later. 

She and Haruka have had a few more close calls, but it never moved past Chihaya giving… ambiguous permission and Haruka smiling and never giving in. 

But here they were, in the exact same spot as a few months ago. The same position, too. Haruka in between her legs, kissing every inch of Chihaya's skin that she could reach. The one difference? Chihaya had resolve this time. Haruka could feel it, too- they only chatted for a few minutes before heading to her room. Maybe it was the autumnal chill outside or the warmth of Haruka's hands in hers, but tonight felt right. 

She reached up to pull Haruka to her. She could apologize for it taking so long, she could give permission to do it now, they could talk it out and it would probably work out in the end, but she knew that Haruka understood even without her having to pour her heart out. Their fingers twined together and Chihaya had never felt more in sync with another person before. They both knew what was coming and they were both ready for it.

"Chihaya-chan…" Haruka gently sighed, soft and light as a feather when Chihaya pushed up, using strength to move them both into sitting positions, and then further back so Chihaya was on top this time. This was probably nothing to Haruka, who could easily pick up Chihaya even before she was granted superhuman strength, but the exertion made her cheeks flush. 

The change in position also made her heart beat faster, leaning over her girlfriend like this. It also grounded her; this was just like something they'd do even before their lives were flipped. It put a little more control in Chihaya’s court as well, which gave her just the little boost of courage that she desperately needed to continue on.

The space between them suddenly felt like miles rather than inches, and they met in the middle for an open kiss. It wasn’t their first kiss, or even their first time under the sheets together, but the way Haruka let her fangs purposefully drag across Chihaya’s bottom lip made her feel like the most inexperienced, unprepared person in the world. 

Chihaya sighed out Haruka’s name, and then she  _ moaned  _ it. Haruka’s knee had come up and rubbed between her legs, and it made Chihaya curl in on herself, mouth going to Haruka’s throat; half to hide her face and half to level out the playing field.

Her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it in her throat. The song playing from her phone was changing- from a light melody Chihaya couldn’t even remember the name of to an instrumental of a song from a musical she’d watched with Yuu what felt like a century ago. The memory makes Chihaya pause in her endeavor, the familiar hurt pinching her still after all these years, even in this situation which was incredibly annoying in of its own.

Haruka notices, of course she does, but she smiles and kindly doesn't comment on Chihaya ruining the moment, “Do you like this one, Chihaya-chan?” 

Chihaya nodded. She did like it, even if it made her a little sad, “Yeah. It’s about star-crossed lovers."

"Kind of like us!" Haruka teased, playing with the end of Chihaya's hair. She still has a teasing look in her eye which makes Chihaya too fond to even think straight, "Forbidden to be together! Tortured for all eternity! A vampire and her bloodkin- ah, the tragedy!"

Too cute. Seriously, too cute. "I think you might not understand what star-crossed lovers are."

"Maybe not, I suppose!" She giggled, completely unbothered at her own silliness, the most positive person Chihaya's ever met although she's actually said something quite macabre about the negative side of their relationship, "I don't think it fits us at all, really. Everything feels right when I'm with you."

Her cheeks would've went red there if she had any blood left in her body. It was fine, though, because Chihaya's went red enough for the both of them. The honesty from Haruka must've infected her as well, because the next thing that came out of her mouth was something more honest than she usually was able to be, verbally.

"I don't think it fits us either…" she gulps, this is it, "We can't be forbidden lovers if I'm not actually any sort of bloodkin to your vampire, a-after all."

She stutters when Haruka's grip on her hair turned from a light caress to a not rough, but not gentle tug. "Chihaya-chan… I would never actually ask that of you, you know that right?"

Chihaya leaned back then, hurt dying her voice a color that made her feel weak, "Do you not want to?”

Haruka looked troubled, then, like she didn’t know what to do with this new, not as happy atmosphere. Chihaya herself didn’t even really know what she wanted Haruka to say. It was unfair to put this on Haruka, but she couldn’t think of any other way to have this conversation. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to, of course,” Haruka started, scooting so that they were sitting face to face, but not dislodging her touch, “I think about it a lot, I guess? But actually doing it…”

They never really talked about this, even when she was first changed. Even meeting with Shijou-sama and witnessing firsthand the dynamic of the other vampires and the humans that accompanied them, didn’t inspire any sort of heart-to-heart between them afterwards. Haruka didn’t like to focus on the negative, and Chihaya could only think negatively about this situation, so they were both content to just not talk about it. Like well-adjusted adults. Ignoring their feelings for the sake of not having to be sad. The song on her phone changed again. Neither of them paid it any attention. 

“Of course I… I crave it, but you gotta remember! I’ve only ever had human blood a few times, when Toyokawa-san brings some extras from a blood drive for us but that's only been twice- and it’s really cold and I…” she took a deep breath after rambling, Chihaya could tell she was getting worked up, “If it were Chihaya-chan’s blood… I don’t think I could control myself.”

“I trust you,” Chihaya blurted out, throwing any concern for embarrassment out the window, “I want to help you. The animal blood can’t possibly taste good, right? Does it even quench your thirst? My… my blood is warm. I’m alive, I’m human, and I’m  _ yours _ . That’s got to be better!”

“I don’t want to hurt you!” Haruka raises her voice, making Chihaya flinch, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just- Chihaya-chan, it’s already dangerous for you to be around me. Those other couples make me so  _ sad _ , I don’t want to give in to the… the temptation and end up not being able to control myself. I  _ won’t  _ hurt you.”

Her fists are clenched, but so are Chihaya’s. “Temptation…” Chihaya mumbles intelligently, not a question, not even a real comment, really. Haruka feeling any sort of desire towards her, even if it’s for her  _ blood, _ kind of pleases her. Being something like  _ flattered  _ while Haruka was fighting with herself like this was insensitive, but Haruka also kind of seemed like she really wanted to do it. 

“Haruka, you won’t hurt me. I know you won’t.” I don’t care if I get hurt, I don’t care if I die, it was hard not to say. I just want to make you happy.

That was a little easier to say out loud, so she did. Haruka visibly melted at that, leaning to rest her forehead on Chihaya’s shoulder. They were a little quiet after that, both calming down after getting worked up. Below her lingering anxiety from arguing, Chihaya was glad they got that out of their system.

"You really don't mind if I want to do it?" Haruka whispered into her shoulder, breath tickling strands of midnight blue hair, "You really, really don't mind?"

"How can I mind when I want you to do it, too?"

And so it began.

It felt like it moved at a million miles an hour, but also at a snail's pace, the way Haruka's hand on the small of her back urged her to lean against the bed frame. She leaned back breathlessly, wanting to bury herself in this feeling of being taken care of. Haruka’s hands were swift, confident and knew what to do when they pushed up her sweater and the excitement almost made Chihaya forget to be embarrassed that she was suddenly shirtless. 

Suddenly, Haruka was nudging her knees apart again and slotting herself there, and this was  _ real.  _

“Stop me if it hurts, okay, Chihaya-chan?” she whispered in between kisses on her neck. Chihaya was too caught up to verbally respond with anything but a little moan through her teeth and a nod. The same dizzying feeling from last time came over her as Haruka’s fangs brushed her throat. Haruka had to physically remove herself to calm down, just a few inches, and Chihaya rutted up on Haruka’s thigh when she saw how turned on her girlfriend was, bangs sticking to her forehead and eyes lidded. Any sort of shame or embarrassment was erased by the look in Haruka's eyes that said  _ I want every part of you. _

The air was heady, and Chihaya didn’t know where to focus her eyes so she squeezed them shut. She didn’t actually know if a weird, seductive vampire chemical existed, but the room definitely got about 10 degrees warmer in the past ten minutes and it felt like she could feel every ounce of blood in her veins move, like it was trying to get to Haruka itself if she didn't hurry up and let it out.

Haruka kissed Chihaya’s cheek, chin, then back down to her neck again. Chihaya could feel her eyes on her, probably wanting to ask for permission one, two, three more times. She could do without that. Chihaya was so  _ ready. _

Before, it felt like an invasion. Like something was being taken from her and seized from her control. Like once she gave up this part of herself, there would be nothing left to give and nothing left to withhold. And that didn’t even mention the association with her own self-inflicted scars that made her queasy. 

Maybe it was the desire to accept Haruka’s new lifestyle the way the other ‘bloodkin’ had. To be actually useful to her girlfriend who had to suffer so much despite being literally and objectively the best person Chihaya had ever met. Or maybe it was her morbid desire to pair the idea of ‘blood’ with a little more...positive thinking, rather than having a borderline panic attack every time she opens her fridge or thinks about how what Haruka is drinking  _ isn’t  _ fruit punch. Whatever it was, it had been haunting on her mind for over a year now and she was pretty tired of arguing about it with herself.

Haruka was gentle, kind, sweet,  _ selfless. _ Even if Chihaya freaked out during this process and they needed to stop, Chihaya felt like she could trust her. And even if the beast in Haruka took over and her instincts didn’t let her stop until Chihaya came to an unfortunate end tonight, well. You know. Whatever.

She shook away those thoughts, she had things to stay alive for now after all, and focused on that thing Haruka was doing with her tongue. 

Haruka had worked her way down to Chihaya’s boring, striped panties that matched her bra and she whined when her girlfriend’s fingers made contact with the sensitive, sensitive skin there. Haruka’s fingers were cold, but that kind of added to the experience, another sensory element making her huff out short, heated breaths.

The only thing she could seem to focus on in that moment was the juxtaposition of how Haruka’s pink and purple glitter nails looked pulling Chihaya’s boring, unsexy dark blue panties down her thighs, and then she couldn’t focus on  _ anything  _ when Haruka’s fingers entered her slowly. One, and then two and three. Easily entering when Chihaya was as turned on as she was. Her hands were fisted in the sheets, eyes still squeezed shut, already on the verge of feeling overwhelmed.

Her quiet gasps turned to full on moans as Haruka went on longer. Haruka was in a state herself, making noises under her breath to match Chihaya's and mumbling praise into her shoulder, “I love this. I love you. You’re so pretty.”

It just made her face go from pinky-red to scarlet and she could feel that she was already getting close. Their eyes met then, and Haruka must’ve realized it too. She leaned forward, closer, closer, closer until her mouth was on Chihaya’s neck again, moving with purpose, and then. And then.

It kind of felt like she blacked out, but she definitely didn’t. She could feel every single centimeter of skin where it met the soft sheets, where her hands were ripping into Haruka’s shirt, where she was still relentlessly fingering her, where her fangs were clenched tight into her neck. 

Rather than panic or fear, she felt  _ alive _ . Like she was helping Haruka feel alive again, as well. Everything was electric, including the blood that flowed from the two bite marks on the space where her neck met her shoulder. Haruka was groaning as she took in her blood, tilting Chihaya’s neck up like she was desperate for it. Chihaya's orgasm washed over her, everything tensing in the room except Haruka, who kept sucking, kept fingering, kept drawing every last ounce of pleasure from her.

It didn’t feel like a bite. More like a kiss, really. She could  _ feel  _ the blood coming out of her, which should’ve been disgusting but it wasn’t at all. Haruka was pulling away what felt like  _ too _ suddenly, and Chihaya wanted to pull her back. Take more, I’ll give you more, I’ll give you anything you want. 

Her mouth was red. That’s the only thought Chihaya had before scrambling to kiss her girlfriend, pulling her to her. She tasted like blood and Chihaya groaned into her mouth when she pulled her fingers out. She thought it would be uncomfortable, ugly, scary to hand over every part of herself to Haruka, but now she was just scrambling to figure out what  _ else  _ she could give.

Haruka pulled away, eyes wide, looking blown out of her mind, “Oh my god. It’s so different.”

“It’s different?” Chihaya managed, still barely able to string a thought together.

“Fresh blood! It’s… it’s so insanely different! You’re so, so warm… it’s so much easier to control myself than I thought?! Oh my god!”

Chihaya would’ve laughed at how excited her girlfriend was over this, but she actually did feel kind of lightheaded. She had no clue how much blood Haruka drank, or how long she had taken, but everything felt right. Like they were  _ bonded.  _ Maybe Shijou-sama was right, and they should’ve done this when Haruka was first turned. Chihaya was always scared of being claimed by a vampire, but now it kind of felt like she had just claimed Haruka, instead of the other way around.

Haruka was smiling, looking more energetic and peppy than Chihaya’d ever seen her as a vampire. Innocently giggling, too, like she didn't just have three of her fingers inside her or like she just drank human blood. Chihaya felt happy, too, if not incredibly exhausted (possibly from blood loss) to see her girlfriend like this again. She kissed Haruka again before leaning back on the bed frame, needing a second to just take everything in, “Maybe animal blood really is bad for you? Maybe drinking  _ human  _ blood is a necessity.”

“N-no, Chihaya-chan, you misunderstand,” Haruka said, eyebrows coming up, holding Chihaya’s hand in both of hers, “It’s not because I had human blood, it’s because I had Chihaya-chan’s blood! Someone I have a bond with, who I don’t want to hurt!”

“Ah… well, you didn’t hurt me. I’m glad I could help, I guess… Am I still bleeding?” Chihaya asked, struggling to keep her eyes open from all the effort, but feeling something wet on her neck still.

“Nope!” Haruka chirped happily, “That’s just from me licking you, I think! You really did help me, though. I haven’t felt like this since I was still human…” 

“We’ll do this again, then. You look like you even have color in your face,” Chihaya said, rubbing a finger along Haruka’s cheek, eyes closing all the way this time.

“Ehehe, maybe it’s your blood! Next time, I’ll take even more!”

_ ‘Take it all _ ’ was the last thing that went through Chihaya’s mind before she fell asleep. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> (╬ Ò﹏Ó) <- me writing that biting scene, trying not to think abt how much i want haruka to bite me too
> 
> thanks for reading!! please leave a comment and tell me what you think!!


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